When people think about domestic abuse, they often imagine physical violence. But abuse can also be invisible — controlling, manipulative behaviours that slowly strip away your independence, confidence, and safety.
This is called coercive control, and in New South Wales, it is now recognised in law as a serious form of domestic abuse.
At Barker Evans, we’ve supported many clients who didn’t realise they were in an abusive relationship until they stepped back and looked at the bigger picture.
What Is Coercive Control?
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour used by one person to dominate another. It can involve intimidation, isolation, and psychological or financial abuse.
While each situation is unique, the goal is the same — to make the victim feel trapped, powerless, and dependent.
Signs You May Be Experiencing Coercive Control
You might be in a relationship involving coercive control if your partner:
1. Monitors Your Movements
- Constantly checks where you are, who you’re with, or demands to know your plans.
2. Controls Your Finances
- Restricts your access to money, forces you to account for every dollar spent, or stops you from working.
3. Isolates You from Friends and Family
- Discourages or prevents you from seeing loved ones, making you reliant on them for support.
4. Uses Intimidation or Threats
- Makes you fearful through verbal threats, damaging property, or suggesting harm to you, themselves, or others.
5. Gaslights You
- Denies events, twists facts, or makes you question your memory, judgement, or sanity.
6. Micromanages Daily Life
- Dictates what you wear, eat, or how you spend your time, even in small, everyday decisions.
Why Coercive Control is So Damaging
Unlike one-off acts of violence, coercive control is ongoing and cumulative.
It erodes your sense of self, making it harder to leave or even recognise the abuse.
Children who witness coercive control can also be deeply affected, even if they are not directly targeted.
What to Do If You Think You’re in an Abusive Relationship
1. Trust Your Instincts
If something feels wrong, it’s worth exploring further. Abuse isn’t always visible to outsiders.
2. Reach Out for Support
Speak to someone you trust — a friend, family member, counsellor, or domestic violence service.
- NSW Domestic Violence Line: 1800 65 64 63
- 1800RESPECT (National Helpline): 1800 737 732
3. Get Legal Advice Early
An experienced family lawyer in Sydney can help you understand your rights, apply for protection orders, and plan safely if you decide to leave.
4. Create a Safety Plan
This may involve securing important documents, setting aside emergency funds, or arranging a safe place to go.
The Bottom Line
Coercive control is abuse — even if there are no visible bruises.
Recognising the signs is the first step to reclaiming your freedom and safety.
If you believe you may be in an abusive relationship, Barker Evans can provide confidential, compassionate legal advice to help you protect yourself and your children.
If you want expert family law advice from a leading family lawyer, please contact the team at Barker Evans on (02) 8379 1892 or info@barkerevans.com.au