The new film The Roses — a modern reimagining of The War of the Roses is more than just dark comedy: it’s a sharp, painful reflection of what happens when past hopes, unspoken resentments, shifting roles, and unsupported expectations collide.
As a family lawyer, watching The Roses isn’t just entertainment. It’s a reminder of what clients face every day, what can go wrong, what people regret, and what might have helped if things had been handled differently. If you are going through separation or divorce, here are key lessons from The Roses and what you should expect from your lawyer.
What The Roses Teaches Us About Divorce
1. Role reversals and shifting identities hit hard
In The Roses, Theo is once a successful architect and Ivy stays home; later, Ivy’s business flourishes while Theo’s loses its footing. The reversal of roles causes friction, insecurity, and resentment. Real life is the same. When one partner’s career changes, when parenting duties shift, or when financial or household contributions are unequal or change, it can strain a marriage beyond recognition.
2. Communication breakdowns — small slights escalate
The film shows how passive-aggressive behaviour, unmet expectations, and lack of honest conversation feed bitterness. Sometimes people stay in a marriage but stop talking — or when they talk, nothing gets resolved.
3. The cost of material and emotional investment
A striking element in The Roses is how much the house — a shared dream and material symbol — becomes a battleground. Who built it, who maintains it, whose tastes dominate, whose contributions count.
Divorce often means conflict not just over intangible matters (feelings, roles, parenting) but over big tangible assets — the family home, investments, business interests.
4. Regret comes too late
In The Roses, there’s a sense that by the time the couple truly begins to understand what’s missing, or how they contributed to the collapse, the damage is already done.
Many separation stories carry this same theme: people regret not seeking help earlier, not having the right support, not knowing what questions to ask.
What Should Matter Most to You in Divorce — And What to Look for in a Lawyer
Knowing these lessons, if I were going through a divorce, here are the things I would want, and what I advise my clients to demand of any lawyer they consider.
1. A lawyer who understands shifting identities and values
When roles change — career, parenting, financial contributions — you need someone who sees more than the paper facts. A lawyer who listens, who understands what sacrifice was made, what hopes were deferred, and helps articulate what “fair” looks like in your life, not just legal precedent.
2. Someone who helps you communicate, not just fight
Conflict often grows when people feel unheard. A great lawyer assists in mediation or negotiation, helps establish boundaries around communication (whether directly or through legal tools), and can identify when professional counselling or mediation support might help.
3. Protecting assets — material and intangible
It’s not just about splitting a house or bank account. What about the contributions that are less visible — raising children, managing the home, supporting the other’s career, giving up your plans? A good lawyer helps you think broadly about contribution, value, and how that should translate into the settlement.
4. Children’s wellbeing as a priority
Where The Roses shows family dynamics unravelling, children are impacted by the tension, the changed parenting styles, the resentments. If you have children, you want a lawyer who places them front and centre ensures stability, handles parenting arrangements properly, protects them from being dragged into conflicts.
5. Timely, honest counsel + strategic decision-making
A lawyer should give you real information early: your legal rights, the risks of delay, what costs (financial and emotional) are likely. Be realistic about what can be achieved, help you weigh trade-offs, and guide you through both legal strategy and personal implications.
6. A lawyer who helps you look forward, not just stay stuck
Divorce is painful. But it’s also a transition. The best lawyers help you to prepare for life after, emotionally and practically. That might mean helping with financial planning, adjusting to changed parenting roles, helping you rebuild independence and stability.
Why Clients Turn to Lawyers Who Understand Both The Roses and the Reality
Many people who come into my office say, “I don’t want a fight like in The Roses.” And that makes sense. You want someone who can protect your interests, but also someone who can help avoid unnecessary escalation.
Here’s what those clients want, and what Barker Evans will bring:
- Empathy with legal acumen — We know how to protect property, negotiate fair settlements, and litigate if necessary. But we also know the emotional toll, and we guide clients in ways that aim to settle sooner if possible, reduce harm, preserve dignity.
- Experience with complex dynamics — changing roles, career swings, parenting duties, emotional losses. Many of our clients (including same-sex families, non-traditional arrangements) face these in ways the law sometimes overlooks. We bring sensitivity and advocacy to those gaps.
- A focus on children’s stability — arranging care, time, financial responsibilities, so children aren’t collateral damage.
- Clarity and foresight — helping you see the possible outcomes, the costs of different paths, and what you might regret if you don’t act early or carefully.
Watching The Roses can feel like watching a cautionary tale, what can happen when love sours without boundaries, without honest communication, and when people believe that what matters most is who wins rather than how to move forward.
If you are going through separation or divorce, what matters most is not how dramatically you fight, but how wisely, how humanely, and how well you protect your future. Choose a lawyer who helps you do that, who understands both the legal and emotional scars, and who helps you rebuild with strength, integrity, and hope.